Worst Dating Mistakes, Part 1

Often the best way to learn something is from other's mistakes -- especially others who may now be living a life you want. And that means that if you're single, there's a lot to be learned from those who are in a loving relationship, particularly when it comes to dating.

Today you'll learn the most common mistakes singles make while dating. These have been shared with me by those clients who have been on the front line of dating and are now in healthy, loving, long-term relationships. There are some mistakes that may seem obvious when you look back, but can be completely invisible when you are in the thick of things.

1. Hiding who you are to fit into a relationship
   Hiding who you are takes a ton of energy. You can only suppress your emotions, reactions, and needs for so long. Eventually -- and sooner rather than later -- the real you will start showing up and shocking the person you are with.

   Once you are in a healthy loving relationship, you will realize you started to attract your right partner precisely when you decided you were good enough to never hide again.

2. Confusing the trappings of love for real love
   The trappings of love can be disguised as frequent phone calls from your date, his or her desire to see you and be with you, the arrival of flowers, cards, compliments, poems, and over-the-top attention. All of these can be mistaken for love. They may make you feel loved and wanted, as if you had found the right mate.

   Once you are in a healthy loving relationship, you will realize that these trappings did not necessarily mean the person was in love with you. These are simply a few ways people express like, desire, attraction, and yes, love. These are also ways people behave out of habit, to be nice, to be liked, because they think they should, because they get caught up in the moment. Real love shows itself in more powerful ways, such as friendship, support, acceptance, and communication, and uses the trappings of love as the icing on the cake.

3. Blaming relationship mishaps on the other person
   Let's say the relationship goes south. There is a bad argument or even a breakup, and all you can see is how the other person caused the problem. Sound familiar?

   Once you are in a healthy, loving relationship, you will realize your role is at least 50 percent of everything that happens in the relationship. You play this role either actively, by choices you make, or passively, by choices you fail to make.

4. Not allowing time to heal between relationships
   Ok, so you are out of a relationship. You hate being alone. You are hurt. You hate not having someone to share your life with. You find a new person and get into a relationship. But are you available to love a new person? Are you ready for a new relationship?

   Once you are in a healthy loving relationship, you will realize love deserves grieving and you deserve time to learn from a failed relationship. You will realize being alone is not a punishment, nor is it torture. It is a gift of getting to know yourself. And you will realize your ability to be alone is what gives you the strength to create a loving relationship.

5. Attraction means you are meant to be together
   You feel attracted, drawn to someone, and he or she to you. The relationship is obviously meant to be, especially if there are many commonalities between the two of you. This is even more so if you were brought together in an unusual, fateful sort of way.

   Once you are in a healthy loving relationship, you will realize these encounters were meant to be all right, but not necessarily in a way you thought. Most times, such encounters bring lessons, not loving relationships. True love more often than not reveals the fateful aspect later in the relationship, when you no longer need the evidence that you are meant to be together.

Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries

"(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2002. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit www.WhatItTakes.com where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"