Ten Steps to Attract Your Ideal Relationship, Part 1

Everyone has an idea of their perfect relationship, their ideal relationship. And what we all want from this ideal relationship is lots of love and true connection. Below are the first five of ten steps to get you to that kind of relationship.

As you read over the steps, keep in mind that everyone who has created a successful, loving relationship has taken these steps. For some people these steps are intuitive, taken automatically. For most of us they need to be deliberately taken.

1. Let Go of the Past
   The first step toward attracting and creating your ideal relationship is to clear the way for it by dropping the baggage from your past. Baggage refers to resentments, hurts, and fears.

   Some people carry their hurts, resentments, and fears as badges of honor, or learn from them as if they were undisputable life lessons. They are neither. They are byproducts of unfortunate situations. The sooner you can truly let go of this baggage, the less likely you are to recreate bad situations.

2. Discover Old Relationship Patterns
   Before you can attract and create your ideal relationship, you need to take inventory of how you behave in relationships. Why? If your past relationships have not worked out, you are at least fifty percent responsible. If you don't clearly see what you did to end those relationships, you are powerless to experience anything else.

   Look at all aspects of your relationship behavior, from what you do when you first meet someone to what you do in a long-term relationship. Also want to take inventory of what you believe about relationships and the opposite sex.

3. Discover and Celebrate Needs
   To have a successful relationship, you need to recognize, honor and fulfill your own needs. There is a direct correlation between the quality of your relationships and your ability to recognize and meet your needs.

   What's more, your needs are THE criteria for choosing a partner. Be sure to choose a partner who will satisfy your long-term (not your short-term) needs. Choosing a partner to meet short-term needs guarantees the relationship will not last.

   Example of a long-term need: a life partner who has a compatible view on life.

   Example of a short-term need: someone to help you feel less lonely right now.

4. Establish Strong Boundaries
   The fourth step toward attracting and creating your ideal relationship is developing and honoring your boundaries or limits. To know and honor your limits builds your self-esteem while earning the respect of others.

   Why do you need to have boundaries in a loving relationship? Event the best of partners will inevitably do some things that will not be ok with you. If you say nothing, your partner will not know or pay attention to how his or her actions negatively affect you. That will be the start of a good relationship gone bad.

   Boundaries also greatly enhance your ability to select the right partner. The wrong partner will cross your boundaries fairly early into the relationship. If you are aware, the wrong partner can be quickly recognized.

5. Define Your Ideal Relationship
   Another important step is to define your ideal relationship and partner. This is the one step that everyone seems to know about; however, the popular version of this exercise will only serve to keep you out of a relationship and lonely, as it will have you create a fantasy.

   To define your true ideal relationship and partner, ask yourself not what you want but what you need. What can you not live without in a relationship? What do you need to thrive? What do you need from a partner day to day?

   To purge fantasy from your definition, ask yourself what you want from another that you are not willing to do or be yourself.

Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries

"(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2002. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit www.WhatItTakes.com where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"